A Short And Sweet Version of “Stupid Shit I Hear At Work”:

“what would you do if he shot you?” “probably go AAAUUUGHHH.”

“i spent $100 on a ticket” “what are you stupid?” “it’s first row” “oh well in that case good on ya”

“oh man look at the time” “it’s 4:40.” “we should light up a doobie”

“youre couch is a racist colour.” “thats because it’s chinese.”

“Is she his brother?” “…” “i mean sister?”

“we havent had lights in our house since 1988”

“how come my shoes are making noise? everyone can hear me coming” “because you didnt buy them at a spy store”

“his ringtone is Kiss ‘Chipmunks’ style” “that song is by Queen”

“why are you leaving?” “i have to go to New York” “no, it’s cause shes French.”

“people are going think you’re cutting your macaroni”