coined the key

so it’s snowing? wtf? let’s peel back the curtain just a sec…yep theres is most definitely snow falling. THANKS FOR RUINING OUR ADVENTURE DAY MOTHER NATURE!!!
man i totally fucking zonked out last night. must have been the late night ramen. i had one of those dreams where it’s like uber real. which isnt quite anythign different than normal pour moi, but this was one of those ones where it’s like a dream in a dream cause i dreamt (that’s a lot of d) i was in edmonton and i found a Harley dealership and took a leather jacket and a Harley for a test drive for a few hours and was just ripping around the highways. clues that i should have known it was a dream… well, for one i dont know how to drive a motorcycle. two, i dont know how to drive a motorcycle. and then i kind of half woke up but i thought maybe i was asleep there and couldnt decide if i was or not. and then my phone buzzed and i woke up for reals and was like, right, ok, definitely i dont know how to ride a motor bike.

now if we’re to compare zonked out sleep with sleep at work we’ll see that waking up confused is not really grounds for waking up with a huge boner, unlike some people who just sit around being lazy and zoning out and scare the shit out of the homely office lady. or, homely office lady goes home at night to her black running back of a husband and says “at work today dear, some young man was afraid he’d frighten me with his little thing.” and then cue the porn music and action like Backdoor Sluts 9.

of course the initial question was “Do you ever sit at work, so bloody tired and comfortable that you feel yourself nodding off? Then after a few minutes of settling into this womb like state, you start to feel your groinal region engorge with blood. And next thing you know, you’re sitting at your desk with a raging hard on.” not really, no. seeing as how ive been appying for jobs and happen to have my resumé handy, let’s go over it and see what would happen should i have nodded off at any of these particular jobs…

…crashing large machines…. getting maimed by spinning blades… getting buried in the ground.

…getting caught on a conveyor belt… have body parts mangled in a press… crushed by falling steel beams…

…getting molested by politicians…

i heard this story once when i was in working in ottawa about a dude who worked in a factory and his machine had some kind of conveyor belt and he’d get himself off by pressing his dick against the side of the machine cause it vibrated, only one day it got a little toe curling too good and he stood up too high and he got his crotch caught in the machine and it ripped his dick off. lesson here? seriously dude, there’s shitters for a reason.


in other news, the BC Lions have gone flacid

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