• cheetos and the fugitive mind

    on tuesday we went up to edmonton so a doctor could shoot lasers at Aimée’s face. I asked if it made PEW PEW noises. then I asked if I could make PEW PEW noises. then I asked if I could run around the room all Han Solo style yelling PEWPEWPEWPEWPEW!!! geuss which one was not …

  • the one about the platypus

    I don’t have a fog machine or stage lights and a sound system to make a fogged, strobe lit entrance here. cause I totally would. because the reflection off the paint of this truck would look fucking bad ass. Where once there was Big Red the 2005 Dodge Caravan SE, there now sits The Big …

  • that time it ran into a tree

    Dear Big Red, I never named you that. My sister did. She probably liked you more than I did. I know my mom did. When I put a new license plate on you and tried to name you Zeke, that didn’t hold. Also, thre three digits were the model number of a lesser known and …

  • so you got arrested in McDonalds

    so I had figured on starting small with the smoker. make jerky or something simple. of course, waking up on saturday and going to the grocery store and picking up a three pound roast was a little different than that. FIRST. by the way, feel free to read this out in the voice of Harley …