it sounds like crunchy

you know what i never understood when i finished grad school? why do people give you pens as gifts? seriously, I got three or four pens as grad gifts. i looked them up after i got them and they go up to $70. who pays $70 for a pen? if i ever have kids and they go through university I’m not getting them a pen as a grad gift because I will understand that they’ve just finished whatever degree and they have no money. a pen does not buy groceries. herein we can see the failure of the classic ‘pen is mightier than the sword’ thing. think about it, with a sword you can hold up a grocery store for some fruits or you can chase down those pigeons outside for a nice home cooked meal. can you do either of those with a pen? no. you know how many times i’ve used those pens i got? barring the fact that i never opened three of them, very few for the one i did. and really, it ended up in a plastic baggie with a bunch of other random pens and pencils and markers and i only dug it out the other day cause i needed something to write my rent cheque with. I have a sword too. i bought it at the richmond night market years ago for $20. it’s pointier than this pen. it’s heftier than this pen. it’s dull but it’s also probably sharper than this pen. if need be i can beat someone with the sheath that is larger in stature and weight than this pen. i went with my friend nicole to the night market and when i bought it her comment was “you know you’re probably funding asian gangs with that” to which I replied I’m ok with that because I have a sword now. in retrospect that’s probably $20 i could have spent on more food wandering around there, but at the same time I have a sword. granted it sits in my closest as it has done for essentially the entire time i’ve had it but that’s really beside the point. the only saving grace that this pen really has is that it’s the same one that was in Goldeneye that they turned into the grenade. but then, think about it. you turn your pen into a grenade, you blow shit up with it, how do you write your rent cheque? no you have no pen. now you’re back to square one.

i read an article in the globe and mail the other day about privacy and social networking that one of my profs in ottawa was interviewed for and subsequently sat down at his computer and responded to each and every comment on the article. he was strange then. he’s still strange. it was kind of endearing but weird at the same time. he was the kind of prof that everyone hears about and sort of wishes they had just to see if they really are that crazy and then when you find out they are you’re not really sure what to do about it. that was my second year in ottawa when i was working for the Alliance. i worked for them because i played the “im from alberta” card so they naturally assumed i agreed with them and they naturally gave me a job. it was a boring ass data entry job but students cant be too picky. and i will say this, even though i worked for them and they made me get a party membership, i’ve never voted right of liberal. i’ve never actually voted anywhere in the left to right expanse of liberal either so go figure. i voted green once, but then after we had their deputy leader in for a speaking session in our MPP class we were all disappointed in them and several of us claimed we would never vote for them again based solely on her performance towards us. anyway, so i was working for the alliance and i had to leave class early one day for work and my prof wanted to know why and there were about a dozen of us in that class who were all frosh guides and buddies in the communication student association and one of them said “he works for THE ALLIANCE.” then my prof looks at me and says “you work for THE DEVIL.” and I said “YEAH. but he PAYS ME.” anyway, he changed his name to Strangelove at some point so he would be Dr. Strangelove and we spent the entire semester trying to find out what his name had been before he’d changed it but no one ever found out.

i came up with a word yesterday that makes me want cereal every time i say it. it stemmed from a conversation that wound its way to a mention of a made up language like Esperanto. except saying Esperanto doesn’t make me want cereal, it makes me want to read Lone Ranger comics.

I got a collective groan at work today too. today is May 4th. the groan was from saying “you know today is star wars day?” and then of course you get asked why and you say “May the Fourth be with you.” and then they all groan and you laugh because it sounds like a kid with a lisp trying to get his point across that he likes Jar Jar Binks. fuck jar jar binks. worst character ever. he didnt kill the spirit of the franchise in the new movies, that’s hayden christiansen’s fault, but jar jar binks is a close second.

so on saturday i was in edmonton reffing and my friend beth who i got into derby was playing in her very first game and her team won and they put her in as jammer a bunch of times and i realized that it’s kind of hard to be an impartial ref trying to watch your friend not get any penalties when you want to yell GO BETH! FUCKING JUKE THE BITCHES! but i didnt. i never fell but one of the other refs broke the front wheels off his skate.

it snowed here. it’s may. in my mind it should not snow in may. you know what i was doing in may last year?

eating bbq at trout lake park in shorts and not watching it fucking blizzard all over the goddamn place. you know what i was doing in may the year before that?

getting used to the fact that it was 32 above in the shade in the flat wearing shorts. and chasing bugs. and getting used to the 4am prayer calls. and not watching it fucking blizzard all over. and the year before that…

hanging out with the guys in Finger 11 outside the Croatian Cultural Center before the show telling them not to take the skytrain into surrey like they’d heard they should. in a tshirt. in the sun. the year before that…

watching the Oilers on their way through an epic playoff run, which ultimately met with defeat but still, when’s the last time YOUR hometown team made it to game 7 of the cup final? yeah that’s what I thought.

you might be saying “gee pat, you sound like you’re bitching an awful lot about the snow, you should stop bitching and suck it up.” yeah i probably should, but given that i’ve suddenly written this rather lengthy rant i see no real need to stop until the end of it.

which would be about now.

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