you’ve crossed the finish line

so my internal clock is pretty much shot to hell. when i tell it “tomorrow is saturday so turn yourself off now please” it just ignores me and wakes me up at 6:43 in the am at which point i tried to convince myself that i wasn’t really awake and did that for another two hours. so i got up because why not, im not asleep anyway.
i have the window open and someone outside is moving their lawn. that early morning smell of fresh cut grass is slowly wafting it’s way in and i’m not making any effort to close the window because if there’s one smell that really should be floating around on a saturday morning it’s the smell fo freshly cut grass.
i’m pretty sure that everyone has some kind of memory about that smell. Most of mine have to do with riding around on mowers cutting great big swatchs of grass waiting for the sun to come up and then when it does you stop for a second and just soak up the first rays and breath it in.
if i’d have known a month earlier that i was getting in to grad school that’s probably what i’d be doing right now. back working for the county, working outside all day and fucking around with big machines. but i didnt and im not and now im almost lamenting the fact.
but i guess onward and upward right?
yesterday at the staff bbq one of the interns asked me what living on your own is like. my sagest advice for him was along the lines of “just because you CAN do laundry at 4am doesn’t mean you SHOULD do laundry at 4am.” i dont think it really hit home yet though because he’s never lived on his own.
we were shooting some hoops and i was sucking as usual and he was asking me about work and telling em about their training and i mentioned i was going back to school and he was like “i cant wait to start work” and i was like “i cant wait to go back to school” and he’s like “oh yeah” and my response word for word was “yeah i fuckin hate the real world” i dont think i hate the real world i just dont think it’s as fun as it should be most of the time. plus i like school and id rather be sitting at a computer for eight hours a day writing research papers than typing names into a computer.
everytime i see a duck fly by i let myself think, just for a second, that im shouldering my remington because it’s one of those moments where you wish you could let time stand still for a while.

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