so i decided that whatever the record is it work for new business im going to break it. and rule it.

i went to buy a shirt. just a plain white long sleeve shirt. so i went to pacific center originally intending to go to RW&Co because they have a surprisingly decent men’s section. but the entrance from the skytrain through the Bay goes by Holt Renfrew so i went in there and it sucked. so i continued down the mall intending to go to the originally intended destination but i was sidetracked by Mexx. and they pretty much had exactly what i was looking for. and you know when you’ve found exactly what you want and you’re just about to pick it up to buy it when all of a sudden there comes the store person asking if you need help and somehow they manage to get a hold of it first because her shirt is cut so low that your brain is like i’d like to try on your tits please ok thanks and then you find yourself walking to the fitting room to try on something you know will fit and are going to buy anyway and the voice in your head is telling you that they’re going to try to make you buy more than you came for because really that’s their job.
soooooo i try it on aaaaaand it fits sooooooo i take it off and put my jacket back on and as i do that back comes Tits McGee who hands me another one because it’s white but a different white and i know im not going to buy it anyway. but i try it on because that’s what you do. also, you live in perpetual fear that if you dont her breasts will somehow kill you. so try on dont like take off exit with first shirt in hand.
then you alllllllmost get to the till when they say, “are you only getting the one? because it’s a better deal for two.” and suddenly you’re trapped and you hear your head go FUCK because you know that theyve trapped you now because honestly let’s face it, you pretty much know you’ll be leaving the store with not one but two of whatever it is you have. so you walk over to the table or shelf or whatever and they point to the sign that says it’s a deal and you stop for a sec and think ‘but i only came for one’ and you hum and haa for a second and then you go “yeah…yeah i guess i’ll get two. i’ll get a black one too.”
so you’re ready to pay and you go to the till finally after what took you far longer than it would have if you’d been just a tiny bit faster and had grabbed the shirt before the store person had in the first place and the girl behind the counter says “hi, that’s it for you?” and you say yes but in you head you’re thinking “JUGS MCDOUGAL YOUR SHIRT IS SHOWING OFF YOUR CLEAVAGE SO MUCH THAT YOUR CLEAVAGE HAS IT’S OWN GRAVITY AND MY HEAD IS BEING DRAWN DOWN I CANT HELP IT IM NOT STARING BLAME THE LAWS OF TIT PHYSICIS IT’S TRUE YOUR BOOBS HAVE GRAVITY AND THATS EXACTLY WHY MY HEAD IS DOWNTURNED THIS MUCH”
and then it takes her longer than it should to fold the clothes and put them in a bag and by that time you realize that you’re actually bored with her cleavage and have now begun to escape their orbit.
so for all you 12 or 13 year olds, you dont need magazines, just go to Mexx and have the girls help you because you’re just the right height that if you happen to trip you can fill in the rest.