do i need a Hi My Name Is thing?

so i gots me some mail today. it was a big brown package. underneath the big brown package was a beer box and momentarily i was all “THE MAIL BEINGS MAILED ME BEER SWEET JEBUS!!!” and then i was like…no that wouldnt work because think of how badly shaken they’d be… and then i opened the blue box and then i pulled out the guts of newspaper and plastic bag and as soon as i put my hand on what it was i knew what it was. i just didnt know there would be SUPER EXCITING FUN JIGGLY AND STICKY AND BOUNCE AND SQUISHY AND PATCHY THINGS STUFFED INSIDE IT!!! so my sister is tres cool because she sends me heads full of goodies in the mail.
i went and i bought the new nin dvd and it is spectacular as always how could it not be SHUT YOUR MOUTH YOU DIRTY DOUBTERS!
so i was thinking the other day…yeah i know, surprising…and i wonder if Randy Rhoads could appreciate the irony of Flying High Again and if you really need me to explain that one then go educate yourself.
i bought a dragon fruit. i dont know what to do with it or how to eat it BUT it feels funny and it’s bright colours and it looks neat so i figure if i hold it up or something someone will eventually tell me what to do with it. or i could name it and put sunglasses on it much like i did with jeffries except for the sunglasses part.
and, ok, so, really what’s wrong with eating a tomato like an apple? can someone clear that one up for me? cause really i have no issue with it but apparently in some worlds that’s like a huge thing to be all “EW THATS GROSS” about.

saturday we are going to the Blarney Stone for my birthday stuff. ok.

so ive resigned myself to the fact that i have to cheer for Vancouver now because i have to cheer for a western conference team that’s canadian and not calgary because let’s face it calgary blows goats, and really, who’s left? and now by default i am going to cheer for the islanders in the east because it’s the right thing to do now oh and kevin lowe i still hope you get crushed standing outside of rexall by the statue of gretzky and it gets hit by lightning and falls on you because that’s what you deserve.

im going to go find me the radio version of the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy stories and im going to put them all on my mp3 player so at work i can be entertained by them and i can reflect on the absolute absurdity of life in a general state of cubikness. oh and apparently, i have a cubicle number too. yeah news to me. i got an email today asking me to update my employee profile and it was like please enter your cubicle number but i ont know it so i tried to skip it and it was like BRRRRRRRMMMM!!ENTER YOUR CUBICLE NUMBER RIGHT THE FUCK NOW!!! and waving my hands at it and going “WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?!?” didnt help so i didnt. update it that is.
if i had just one last wish i would like a tasty fish.
you know in Delirious when Eddie Murphy is talking about Mr. T being gay? k, now picture Dr. Claw from inspector gadget saying the same thing. yeah. creepy i know.

i just put a hole in my most favourite pair of jeans. built in obsolesence. but at least i can do it fashionably. or. go buy another pair. because let’s face it, me + knowing that there’s a Buffalo store being put in Metrotown= let’s get the fuck down to metero town.


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