its the sauce of awesome

so this one time i rode my bike into a parked car cause i wasnt paying attention.
i have to say that im surprised i never mangled myself on my bike ever.
there was this one kid at our high school in grade 10 when we were all in grade 12 who was a total douche fuck, and his dad was the GM of the first golf course i worked at so of course daddy got the kid a job and everyone there hated him too.
so he buys, or his dad buys him, this brand spankin new mountain bike.
we hate this kid.
matt happens to work in the automotive department at canadian tire.
one day he comes to school with a valve stem remover.
tires can go flat really fast when theres no valve in the tire.

i guess the fucktart got in some pretty big shit from daddy for breaking his bike.

it was fun fucking with the dumb people in high school.

in grade 10 i was in Outdoor Ed. i got 98% in that class because it was like camping class and i could list off every animal we looked at cause they were the same in hunter training.
so fat fuck Grabill is in this class. Grabill is the kind of fat dumb fuck that everyone has a good time fucking because he’s too stupid to know otherwise. this is the guy that i jumped over the table at in grade 12 cause he pissed me right the fuck off.


he’s in this class. the class goes camping for the weekend. there were little cabins at the place we went but there were too many of us for the cabins so there had been like this uber wilderness survival guy there a few days before who had built this massive shelter out of plywood, trees and tarps. it was meant for eight people. we crammed fifteen guys in there. grabill was one of them. needless to say he fucked up the shelter on the one night in rained and we all got fucking soaked.
he left all his shit right in front of the entrance so anyone who wanted to come in or out had to trip over his crap. so other Pat got fucking mad and told him if he didnt move his stuff , the next time he went out to take a piss he was gonna piss on grabill’s shit.
he did.
and the fat fucker actually wore those clothes the next day.
so then the camp toilets got clogged up because grabill had a massive shit and the whle plumbing of the place was pooched. like, seriously, imagine the sheer amount of shit youd have to drop into the bowl to fucking plug up the plumbing! thatd be like reaching up a bears ass, grabbing whats there and packing it down there!
grabill also had yellow gatorade.
you can probly guess where this one goes but i’ll tell anyway.
the day we went on the day long hike/raft trip it was raining. so we all had rain gear on and water and food and whatnot. so we’re prepping at camp and grabill wanders over to do whatever. i cant remember who did it, but the poured out half his gatorade and took a leak in it.
so we go on our day hike.
and he’s sucking back at his yellow gatorade all day and doesnt notice a thing. meanwhile all the guys who saw the piss go in the bottle are laughing and gagging.
so we’re hiknig along and grabil slips on a log and cans himself AND manages to rip the ass out of his rain pants at the same time. fuck how much would that suck hey? not only are your balls fucking aching, but now it looks like your dick got crammed backwards and you pissed out your butt.

not that any of this was a great surprise to anyone in the class. this is the same guy who had a pink discman and listened to brittney spears in class and started to sing along with his eyes closed while everyone shut up and turned to watch and listen in amazement as Mr. Mac motioned for everyone to be quiet and went and stood right in front of grabill’s desk and leeeeeeeean over in his face and just stare. took him a while to realize that his discman had made him the gayest fat fuck in the class for a while.

i think anything that has to do with like toilets and piss is pure comic gold to a guy in high school. i know its true because shit like that happened to the dumb guys all the time. like when i was in grade 12 and a bunch of us were sitting in the common room at the front of the school, someone’s friend in grade 10 came over and sat with us and left his nalgeen bottle on the table. so he fucks off for a bit and leaves his bottle and two other guys come over and are like “is that so and so’s?” and grab it and fuck off. they come back a few minutes later and we’re all like “wtf did you just do?”
“we filled it with toilet water from the gross bathroom.”
“you guys are fucking sick.”
“yeah. dont say anything.”
fuck it was gross hahahaha you could see little floating things in the water. so we’re all sitting there like, we didnt do shit and we dont know why it happened at the table we’re sitting at, but whatever, free entertainment.
so the guy who left the bottle comes back and we’re all doing that, trying not to avert your eyes and look normal while you know he’s about to drink STDs look.
so he takes a drink and we all do the “try not to laugh but look away in comedic disgust and pretend youre laughing at something else” laugh.
he took a few swigs out of it before he noticed something was wrong.
im not sure who i felt worse for, him, or the guy who put the toilet water in the bottle who ended up with the very same water poured all over his head after the dude caught him.

remember kids, toilet humour will never go out of style.

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