all these things we’ll one day swallow whole

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Obviously, it’s once again the time of year to celebrate the cooking of pasta and meatballs and kneeling in subservience to the Great and Powerfuul Flying Spaghetti Monster, who in his glorious wisdom has bestowed upon us the gift of turkeys and food platters.

Let us not also forget the blessings of The All Powerful Bob of the Ross, who bequeathed to humanity the Paintings of Happy Little Secrets so that we may exist in peace and harmony while in our little cabins by the pond with our pet squirrels. May the Ross paint with you.

Together, they will deliver us from douche bags who ruin Tacomas. They will stop the pervy Elf on the Shelf from reporting to Santa how you walk around with no underwear on. They will fill us with the spirit and ability to cook up cranberry sauwse from scratch. And they will remind us that, no matter how many disapproving looks we may receive, singing along with Mr. Hankey is always acceptable during the holidays.

Happy pasta painting!