they fought with expert timing

i get the feeling that today might be a bust in terms of people saying they want to do something and then you either don’t hear from them or they bail. i’ve started to get used to that here. whatever. i bought some new books the other day so at least I can chill out in the hammock and start some new Christopher Moore. and apparently he wrote the threequel to Bloodsucking Fiends? WHAT? and I didn’t know this? shit. ok well, methinks I may have to put in a trip to chapters later.

a whole bunch of us went to karaoke in sylvan last night. karaoke with a derby team isn’t just karaoke. it’s an event. i also realized that we potentially have a lot of pull with bar owners in red deer and sylvan, because we can regularly pull in groups of up to twenty people, and in effect, bring in more people with us after games/practice/scrimmage etc etc etc. one of the places we go to in sylvan gives us free pizza all the time because we make up for it in booze.

anyway. this karaoke. it sucked. a lot. well, more like the hostess sucked. a lot. she was fucking paranoid about anyone touching her stuff, when you sang you had to stand behind a table away from the crowd, the screen with the words was like one of those pissant little 12inch tvs, and the song listings were pretty fucking lame. i realize that there are a lot of country fans around here, but if you dont have any Doors or David Bowie on your song list, you fail. hard.

in any case, we probably ended up with 25 people there at some point. and we have good singers. not the shitty, cant carry a tune or time singers. good singers. Myself and Dixon are the fucking torchbearers of karaoke for derby here and basically got shut out last night because this woman decided she had some fucked up vendetta against us for god knows what reason. seriously, dixon sang two songs in four hours. two. between the two of us we probably had 14 songs up. then for whatever reason she let three of the super shitty people sing three songs in a row? what the fuck lady? i got to do four. which was fine, i should have done more given the number of people she let go up in a row. plus, if you were a karaoke host and you had a sort of limited number of people who want to sing, who would you rather have go up? the shitty people three times in a row, or the people who can actually sing the songs properly and get the crowd into it? each time i went up I would finish the song, and her and her ‘assistant’ i guess, would look at me and be like “holy shit buddy, you’re good at this.” as if they weren’t expecting anyone to be able to pull it off. that’s the kind of person you want to come up, not some hipster looking twat in a pink shirt and a hoodie who thinks he’s Alanis Morrisette and fucked up three songs already.

even the bar owner got pissed at her. she marched her outside and gave her a once over. then she got all pouty and started to pack up. at least i got the very last song and fucking nailed Kung Fu Fighting. when i went to pay the owner was glaring over at her and said “I FUCKING HATE HER SHE’S NEVER COMING BACK.” im sure she had her own rage towards her, but it might have been helped out a bit by a few of our people going over and being like “this woman is a fucking cunt and wont let us sing so yeah, we’re not bringing our giant group of people back here to spend money again.”

there’s one place in town that actually has good hosts, an awesome set up and a wicked song selection. the only problem is that they have it on mondays. seriously, if they moved it to friday or saturday it’d be the biggest karaoke night in town.

also, if you’re a host and someone hands you seven or eight songs they’d like to sing, you dont have to put them in order you know. play to the crowd for fucks sake. if the bar is cheering and people are having a good time, don’t put on a slower song. i say this because when i went up for the third time, people were out dancing. i had some ac/dc, GnR and Bon Jovi in the list. that would have kept people going. she put on Sour Girl. which was ok cause ive been on a big STP kick lately, but really, pander to the fucking atmosphere of the bar and don’t make people sit down. seriously, Wanted Dead or Alive or You Shook Me All Night Long. if you’ve got someone who has those up, don’t pass on those.

i’ve accomplished laundry today. it doesn’t really feel like noon. time to bust out a new book.

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