particle dashboards

today and tomorrow have been and will be odd. not in the sense that the days themselves have much to offer in the odd department, but odd in the sense of what has and will happen.

just go with me here, it’ll make sense.

it’s been pissing rain here for the last few days. especially today. enough that it reminds me of Vancouver and Dhaka simultaneously. one minute i’ll be thinking about watching the rain out a skytrain window, the next, about how when it rained like this Bimala and I would run up to the roof and run around in the puddles. of course, this isn’t warm rain and i can’t get on the roof here. it’s odd having two separate memories that are so deeply ingrained in your head that you’re not sure which one you should be paying attention to at any given time.

tomorrow will have been exactly one year since i started work out here. it doesn’t seem like a year. some people said i’d start to miss vancouver less over time here. no, i can say that for sure that that’s pretty much wrong. i walk out the door of my apartment building and still wonder why there aren’t any mountains over there. I get annoyed that it only takes ten minutes to drive from one end of the town to the other. i miss tall buildings. at the same time i know the benefit of having this job and doing it well. i was given a pretty good raise that starts tomorrow, i know my name has been thrown around other departments. it’s a push and pull thing here. i do know i don’t want to stay here, the only question is how long it’ll take me to get somewhere.

the thing that i thought was the most odd today happened while i was listening to the radio this morning. i listen to the Fox here because a) it’s an awesome station and b) the morning show is way better than anything ANYWHERE. so this morning when they said they had a big announcement which turned out to be Charis leaving, I sat there sort of stunned. i think this is true with anyone who has a favourite station and djs, they become so familiar that when they leave it just completely fucks with your head. i continued to sit there thinking ‘Charis can’t leave, that’s just not right!’. I was legitimately sad about hearing this, and then a thought went through my head. that must have been exactly how everyone felt when i told them i had to move out here. it’s strange to think that we all had to deal with our group being split up, and you think to a certain extent that you understand how they feel. you don’t. not until you get some kind of obvious reminder that is essentially a parallel of what you did in your own group of friends.

i’m not really sure what the point of this is. maybe it’s just pointing out something obvious that i haven’t really paid much attention to, or wanted to pay attention to, for a while.

i think this is one of those times where you wish you know how long it would take you to get back to someplace you know you wanted to be. the reality of the situation is that, you might be able to get back there, but you have no idea how long it might take. then i think it’s a matter of who lasts longest, your patience, or your sense of need to just find a place to be and stay there.

4 Thoughts.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *