it’s all white, like you gave it the plague

so you know that movie Bubble Boy? right now im thinking that maybe that’s not such a bad idea cause im finding out that a blooming vancouver means my head feels like ive got the dengue fever. but since i dont really know what that feels like i’ll settle for: my head feels like crap. im going to turn into one of those weird people who walk around all the time with a face mask on to protect me from SARS. and, you know, pollen…and stuff…
speaking of tits and ass, i have a stress ball shaped like a boob. just one. a single boob. my dad got it for me. not sure if there was a message there or what but at least it’s not quite as bad as me buying a korean dildo on my own.
like really, what can you do with one tit? that’d be the most lopsided boob job ever. how are you supposed to motor boat one boob? you cant. that’d just be rude almost cause it’d be like slapping it over and over again for no good reason. plus there’s the ever present danger of poking yourself in the eye because there’s no second boob with which to place one side of your face against therefore dictating that you must attempt a central line of motor attack. think about it, you’d have to have the lone nipple right between your eyes. if that fucker slips, at least one eyeball is gonna be sucking breast milk.
you know what would totally avert this? the chick in Total Recall who had three tits. because that way you can a)motor boat and b)bounce the other one around with your hand.
you know what’d be even more fucked up? a fat man with man titties who had three man titties. yeah. that’s right. you just let that image sink right in.
so no you have a conundrum. you have the triple man tit image versus the eye poking one boob and those are your only choices. so what’s your choice?
but really, it’s kind of entertaining to have a badly flesh coloured disembodied boob lying around because people see it and are all “dude, why do you have a boob?” and then you dont answer and they have to come up with a reason on their own.
the most frequent reason i get is “you use it to entertain yourself haha wink wink” and then i grab it and squeeze it so it gets all deformed and looks like i castrated an octopus.
why obey Pustulio when you could OBEYYYY THE BOOOOOOBIEEEEEEE!!!

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