ten points to whoever says where this hose is

things i hear at work:


“is wayne brady gonna have to choke a bitch?”

“helloooo wookie!”

“that’s a big small horse.”

“holy shit. fuckers, eh?”

“time to take my clothes off!”

“fuck right. hard.”

“what was the original name of The Who?” “The What.”

“half nelson, full nelson, father nelson.”

“sushi is brain food.” “then why isnt it working?”

“it’s the Get Some park.”

“does cocaine enhance baseball playing?”

“that was either too stupid or too smart for me.”

“you look like a french canadian.” “why?” “cause you’re hairy like a french canadian.” “im ukrainian.” “you look like a ukrainian.” “how?” “youre hairy like a ukrainian.”

“Ivana Humpatrump.”

“that’s cause you guys arent getting any. ok, im lying, im not getting any.”

“he reminds me of a fish.”

“can i get a radio check?” “no.”

“i couldnt get the golf cart to idle.”

“it’s not a shovel, it’s an El Salvadorian Banjo.”

“bork bork bork.”

“that’s cause you’re a communist.”

“this plan is flawless. it’s foolproof.” “you said it was flawless not foolproof.”

“isnt that the bottle Speedy chugs out of?”

“she came back to kill the garbage can! HOO HAH!!”

“have you seen my baseball?”

“we dont listen to portugese.”

“is that like your butt plug?”

“it’s fitted for your sphincter.”

“im not looking forward to that vasectomy…”

“stop jerking off the shovel!”

“im caught on a rake! i mean fence!”

“nick, what colour are pantyhose?” “nude.” “do you know that because you wear them?”

“you guys are burt and ernie.” “fuck that im not burt! im not gay!”

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