it sounds like Tom DeLong

when i was in grade 12 and we had our cap and gown ceremony i was the last name. consequently, when there’s teh token throwing up in the air of your cap, i had just stepped off the stage and whoever was MCing didnt even wait til i was back at my seat to say congrats and the air was fucking full of them. i had a moment of utter rage cause like, throwing the hat is like saying “im finally done!” and these assfucks couldnt even have the decency to wait ten seconds for me to walk fifteen feet back to my seat. i was the only person in my graduating class who never threw a cap in the air. but then i figured i wouldnt have to spend ten minutes looking for it so it was ok.

gotta say, that angels and airwaves song is growing on me.

my mom invited an old friend of mine who i havent seen for like ten years over for dinner. his fiancé reminds me of someone so much and i cant figure out who and it’s bugging me a fuck of a lot cause i should know but i don’t. his fiancé is in nursing so her and my sister were talking a lot. my mom and dad were talking a lot.

i didnt talk a lot. i mean, i could have, but i just didnt. i did participate in the conversation, but out of everyone it’s a safe bet that pretty much no one left tonight knowing anything that ive been up to for the last few years.

it also struck me how many people i know my age who are getting married. i know a lot of people my age who are getting married. and all i can think is “holy fuck people, we’re like 22! this isnt the fucking depression here!” is there like some weird spatial time flux thing where the more time you spend on a university campus the less aware you are that people are getting hitched? or maybe im just fixated enough on school and wondering about careers that my brain just shut that part of my brain off.

i get these weird little moments where for just a split second it feels like i was unconscious but im pretty sure i wasnt but it’s this weird feeling of like almost jumping a bit. it’s like when youre really tired and youre just about alseep and then something wakes you up and you get that weird “im super awake for a second” feeling, only it’s infinitely shorter feeling. dazed and confused for microseconds. it’s weird. ive also been having some really vivid and weird dreams lately. like this morning i woke up and i was pretty sure that i was angry and vengeful cause a dude from high school had stabbed one of my friends in the neck and i saw and in the dream i walked back into my house and grabbed the phone and called the guys house and his aunt answered and i yelled and screamed at her for being such a fuckup and letting him stab my friend and then the phone turned into the radio and then i went back outside and my friend had a bandage on and could poke his finger inside his neck and then i woke up.

it’s been like a week of weird screwy dreams like this. i dunno. i was getting shitty sleep before that and dont remember any dreams from then. and then sometimes i have dreams that are so completely real feeling that i can hear and smell and tastes and feel them and then i wake up and i cant remember if they were dreams or if they were real. and that feeling can last all day which can really fuck with a person.

i know i had something clever to say today but i forget what.

fucking gas here is at 109.4. so like 25$ gets me a quarter tank. but i went to the place by our house and the price at the pump was 103.4 so 40$ got my 3/4 of a tank. or something like that. whatever, there’s 3/4 a tank in it now.

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